The Time 100 *If not chosen as an honoree, please write shamelessly about yourself in the paragraph about the honoree

I read the Time 100 issue this year especially fast, because I realized how this issue of the usually wonderful periodical has become much like the Who's Who recognition for teachers and students: a moneymaker for the host company only somewhat attached to the accomplishments of the honorees within.

This year, however, I noticed another feature of the Time 100 issue: the tendency of the people writing the blurbs about the honorees to be extremely self-serving in their comments.

Every recognition followed this basic form:
"When I was feeding hungry children in _______ (choose one: Africa, Romania, India, etc.), or saving the world through my technological/economical/business (circle one) accomplishments with ______ (any past device or theory can be filled in here, as long as it is still obsolete and the person writing the blurb has been sequestered to writing blurbs about people more successful than them), ________ (honoree's name) said hi to me once. So, I am qualified to write this piece, and I have to say that the world is a better place not only because of all the work people like me have done in the past, but also because ________ (honoree's name) has done some nice stuff this year. (And since this is a popularity contest, the editors list some accomplishments of the honorees here, usually including a "breakout performance on ______" or some Twitter feed, since Twitter is the barometer of millions of sane people making informed choices on who their role models should be.)"

They weren't really written like that, but after reading quite a few of them, I was surprised by how many times I was trying to read about the featured person and instead found myself looking for the author's name, so I would know who this ignanimous "I" was that kept protruding into the tribute about the real honoree.

Some snippets are quoted below.

One of my favorites: Ted Turner on T. Boone Pickens: "Boone and I have a lot in common. We've both made a lot of money, and we've also given a lot of it away."

On Lauren Zalaznick, by Martha Stewart: "Here was a businesswoman with a keen sense of how to build a brand, a woman with a sharp sense of humor, who's as tall as I am and as strong as I am and very, very cool." (Then she talks more about herself, which was moderately interesting, but I feel bad for this Lauren lady, because (no joke) only 50 percent of the column was talking about her.)

And from Ted Sorensen, a guy I don't recall, on Obama's speechwriter Jon Favreau: "True, Favreau is only 27. But when I entered the White House at 32, I was thankful that I had the energy and idealism necessary to withstand the repeated crises, criticisms and lengthy late-night hours of emergency meetings." What?

And finally: Bono's piece on George Clooney: "Well, it starts with his strategic sensibility, and his almost peculiar ability to sublimate his ego to win a point — something completely out of character and perhaps against the law for a performer. (I should know...)." No joke; he wrote that.

My point is that if you're so good at whatever, you shouldn't have to tell us. And if you're upset at not getting chosen, you have two options: (A) bribe the Time editors or (B) work harder and make the list next year; it's just a popularity contest.

Another good one was Arthur Sulzberger Jr. as he so obviously fought for the life of the New York Times by puffing up Carlos Slim, who just bought into the Times and needs to keep his cash involved or the Gray Lady will go under.

Regardless, the graphics and presentation in this year's issue were fantastic.

And there were two blurbs I thought were written well: Tina Fey's (by Alec Baldwin) and Tom Hanks' (by Meg Ryan). Although I oppose the posterization of these people in such a dog race, I did enjoy reading about them.

(And please tell me Tina Fey is on the list because of "30 Rock" and other accomplishments, not just because she made faces and dressed up like that lady that lives a couple states over.)

More Time 100 junk pieces